Thursday, October 20, 2011

Rule of Three - Third Post

Here's the third entry for the Rule of Three blogfest, the rules for which you can find here.

You can find my first entry here, and the second one here.

Here I am again, posting at the last second. It's becoming a tradition. I spent twice as much time on editing then on actual writing, trying to fit a 1200 word scene into 600 words limit. The result is so cut out that even I have trouble following what's going on. Serves me right for having much bigger ideas than needed. Please tell me if it's too confusing, maybe I can tweak it up a bit after the blogfest is over.


Gray staggered when she got up. Understandable, considering the blood loss.

"You shouldn't be standing!" the healer rushed in.

"Tell that to the beasties."

"There's no beasties here, you're just-"

"Not delirious. Look out the window, sweetie."

As soon as she neared the window a fanged snout slammed into it, screaming. She screamed back.

"What is that thing?"

"A ridiculously overgrown bat," Gray opened the cupboard and selected a few bottles.

"What... Why- wait, don't drink all of that! That could keep a horse up for days!"

"Great," Gray passed her the empty bottle. "Should keep me up for an hour or two." She pocketed the rest and walked out.

"Wait! I told your boyfriend I'd watch over you!"

"Adrien? He's not my boyfriend." She frowned, "I'd watch out for Hade, though."

"He's her boyfriend?"

"Not yet. She doesn't like the effect you have on him. You're half-Lamia, aren't you?"

Her face turned white. "I, I'm-"

"Don't worry, I won't tell. You didn't choose your parents. Do you leave every man speechless?"

"Pretty much," her lips curved.

Gray giggled. "Must be quite a conversation killer. What's your name?"

"Lisbeth."

"I'm Lingrayel. Gray." She opened the doors and stepped outside. "Coming?"

Lisbeth hesitated.

"Don't worry, I cast a spell, they can't sense us. Come."

They dashed across the street.

"Aren't you going to help them?" she pointed down the street, where Adrien and Hade were fighting the bats.

"They can handle it," she smirked. "They fought worse." Just then Adrien smashed the door and they dragged the wounded woman inside. "See?"

Inwardly, Gray let out a sigh.

She led Lisbeth deeper into the heart of town.

"Here," she placed her palm on a house wall. "Feel it."

Lisbeth flinched when she touched it.

"That's what I felt when we arrived," she opened the door and slid inside. In the corridor, another door was ajar. The stairs swirled downwards.

They halted at the bottom, the wall separating them from the room ahead.

"Come out! I know you're there!" a voice came.

Motioning Lisbeth to stay, Gray stepped forward.

An eerie site greeted her. Diagrams and drawings adorned the floor, candles by the dozens, firestones everywhere. In the center of it, a man sat holding a candle. No, not a man yet, a boy.

"Not another step or I light the firestones and we all go kaboom," his hand edged towards the nearest stone.

"You're playing with fire," she replied. "Break that spell before more people get hurt."

"You're not from Renaissance," he remarked. "My ancestors founded this town, you know. Miners they were, mining the Gauches. Until one day they dug too deep, where monsters slept. They told no-one. My great-great-great-grandfather, a wizard, learned to control them. My legacy," he glanced at a spellbook before him. "Renaissance is also my legacy. I should be running it, not some conceited traders."

"You don't deserve it. A true leader protects his people, he doesn't terrorize them."

"They all deserve to die, for how they treated me!"

"I too deserve to die, Torrin?" Lisbeth stepped into the light.

He gawked at her, tongue-tied.

Good girl.

Distracted, he couldn't even register the energy bolt that smashed him into the wall, knocking him unconscious.

Gray swayed. Her bandages were turning crimson. Lisbeth jumped to catch her.

Gray pushed her away. "It's not over yet."

The stairs seemed fewer going down.

They almost reached Adrien's hiding place when her legs buckled, landing her on her knees.

"I was wrong," she gasped. "It won't keep me up for an hour. The protection spell collapsed too. We're sitting ducks now."

Word count: 600, according to Open Office.

Prompts for this week:
  1. The impending misfortune foreshadowed in the 1st prompt comes to pass, but one or more characters laugh at it. 
  2. Betrayal is in the air.  
  3. Relationships unravel or strengthen.
  4. A long-kept secret is revealed.

I only managed to do the long kept secret one, but I managed to put it twice, once for the healer and the second time for the guy in the basement. Everyone has a secret in Renaissance :D I spent an entire day googling for a mythical creature that has a mesmerizing effect on men, without trying to eat them, drown them or have sex with them while they sleep. I found none. So I went for something close, which was a Lamia. Not exactly the happiest solution, since a lot of people will probably have to google it, I just hope I managed to show the nature of the "creature" well.

Oh, in case anybody is interested in reading more about these characters, there are two short stories here, and I could be persuaded to post a few more here on the blog ^_^

7 comments:

  1. That was a great conversation, confrontation, and cliffhanger! Your pacing flows really well. I also think it's awesome that the boy is a wizard. "kaboom." Awesome! Next week, here we come! :)

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  2. @David Powers King

    The pacing wasn't too fast? I would have slowed it down a bit, if it wasn't for the word limit.

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  3. REALLY looking forward to week four.

    Stuart
    co-host #REN3
    Tale Spinning

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  4. I love Gray's full name, Lingrayel.
    And it was great to see her in action!
    I can't wait for the final chapter!

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  5. That was a tense scene, so much going on! I can't wait to read the finale!

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  6. Fantastic shifts in storytelling with the perspective change. Looking forward to the resolution!

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  7. I love your stroies. They are great. Keep writing. I just read your story on Smashwords, and loved it!!! You should really put all your storys together into a novel. You have great talent.

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